


The Endless Unknown

by Kelinswriter



Series: The Only Sun I Need is You [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Sanvers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 08:18:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13853724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelinswriter/pseuds/Kelinswriter
Summary: Immediately follows 2x22: “Nevertheless, She Persisted”…and you know what happened there.Please see end notes for warnings.





	The Endless Unknown

“Marry me.”

“Excuse me?” Maggie said, the words slipping out before she even had time to think about them, to process that Alex was standing there, those dark eyes brimming with tears, on the edge of coming apart.

“Seriously. Marry me,” Alex said again, and the pleading in her eyes, the desperation, was almost more than Maggie could bear. “Please?”

 _Oh, my God,_ Maggie thought, because it didn’t seem possible that this could be real, that Alex could be asking her at all, much less now, while they were standing on the DEO balcony right next to a gaping hole while the world around them was still on fire.

And then the words hit her, the words she never thought she’d hear, that no one would ever love her enough to say. And she smiled. She smiled until it felt like her face would crack.

But she didn’t say anything.

“Maggie?” Alex said, and Maggie heard the note of panic in her voice, the lack of an answer beginning to feed on Alex’s insecurity, undermining every bit of confidence it had taken for her to ask the question. So she stepped forward and pulled Alex down into a kiss, a kiss that was as sure and strong and full of love as she could possibly make it.

But she still didn’t say anything, beyond, “Let’s get out of here.”

She grabbed Alex’s hand, pulling her back into the DEO and down the stairs. There were signs of the Daxamite attack everywhere — burned out consoles, discarded weapons and armor, even a giant black mark on the floor where someone had nearly gotten fried by one of the Daxamite weapons. 

“Hope whoever that was aimed at got out okay,” Maggie said, and caught Alex twitching out of the corner of her eye.

“Yeah, I…uh…will have to tell you about that later.” Alex seemed like she was about to say more, but then Vasquez flagged her down from across the room and she immediately straightened, downshifting, in spite of her exhaustion, into Assistant Director mode once again. “I should go make myself useful.” 

Maggie looked over Vasquez, making eye contact with her before giving a slight shake of her head. And Vas, thank God, was sharp enough to pick up on it, for she nodded and lifted a hand, giving a slight wave as if to say she’d find a way to handle the situation herself. That left Maggie free to pull Alex under the stairwell near the control center where they would be out of anyone’s hearing — except J’onn’s, that is, but Maggie had learned to accept that J’onn would pretty much know every random thought that flitted into her brain whenever she was within a thousand yard radius. She tugged Alex around to face her and asked, “Babe, when was the last time you got any sleep?”

Alex bit the inside of her lip, her eyes going slightly unfocused as she sorted through various levels and layers of exhaustion for the correct answer. “Um….what day is it?”

Maggie snorted. “I rest my case.” And with that, she grabbed Alex’s hand and led her over to J’onn, saying, “I’m getting her out of here.”

“Good,” J’onn said, looking down on them with something slightly less stern than his usual gaze. “We wouldn’t have made it through the invasion without either of you. Thank you.”

“But J’onn, if you’re staying, I should too,” Alex said, with a sweep of her arm to encompass the still-damaged command center. “There’s so much left to do.”

“Alex, I hate to break it to you, but this is gonna take months to fix,” Winn said from beneath a nearby console. He poked his head out, looking even more frazzled than he had when Maggie had been about to book him for theft, breaking and entering, and public indecency. “It’s going to take a week just to get D.C. to requisition all the equipment we need to do repairs, much less get things back to normal.”

“Thank you for that helpful assessment of our situation, Agent Schott,” J’onn said, and Winn made a face at Maggie as he ducked back into his hiding spot. Maggie bit the inside of her lip, trying to look appropriately serious as J’onn returned his attention to her and Alex and said, in a voice that left no room for argument, “Agent Danvers, I’ll make this easy for you. You’re banned from the DEO for the next 24 hours, as are you, Detective Sawyer. So get out of here before I have you both thrown out.”

“But…” Alex started to say, but Maggie was already hauling her toward the elevator. “You need me!” 

“I need you healthy and rested, and you are neither of those things right now.” And then J’onn looked at Maggie, and she could have sworn she saw a hint of a smirk playing across his face. “See to it, will you, Detective?”

“You have my word,” Maggie said, wondering if it was possible that she’d just promised the Martian Manhunter that she’d get his adoptive daughter laid. Regardless, she did her best to do as he asked, backing Alex against the elevator wall the second the door opened and hitting the button for the bottom floor before she could protest further. “You heard the man, Danvers. We’re leaving.”

“He’s not actually a man, and I don’t even have my keys or ID,” Alex retorted, her face hardening in a way that usually meant trouble. At the moment, however, the overall effect was that of a toddler desperately in need of a nap. 

“I’ve got my key, and your ID will be just fine here until…” Maggie glanced at her watch, “5:45 a.m. tomorrow.” 

“God.” Alex leaned her head against the back wall of the elevator. “It was what, 10 a.m. on Monday when this all started?” 

“Something like.” Maggie thought back to the moment when the Daxamites had appeared, pouring into the police station like ants let loose on a piece of chocolate cake. She almost hadn’t made it out; if not for her desk taking the full force of the first blast aimed her way, she wouldn’t have had time to scramble toward the door, much less grab the riot gun that had kept her alive until she got to the bar. After she ran out of shells she’d started swinging it like a baseball bat, cracking line drives left and right into unsuspecting Daxamites until the stock broke and she had to toss it aside. It had been a useful weapon; so useful that she was beginning to wonder if she should carry one slung over her shoulders all the time.

She shook off thoughts of going full-on Linda Hamilton as the elevator reached the ground floor, grabbing Alex’s hand and dragging her through the foyer before she could try to go back up to the DEO again. Then they walked outside, each pausing to blink while their eyes adjusted to the newly risen sun, and got their first good look at what Rhea’s madness had done to their city.

It was eerily quiet, even for this time of day; there were few pedestrians visible in the shafts of golden light creeping across the pavement, and the long shadows filtering through the tall buildings only partially masked the damage that had been done by the Daxamite horde. There was plenty of it on this street alone, starting with a broken water main that was sending up a geyser right in front of the DEO building, its outflow ending in a flood the size of a pond at a nearby intersection. An electrical crew was hard at work on the opposite corner, frantically trying to contain what Maggie presumed was a severed power line. Sirens wailed off in the distance; they had been constant now for the better part of two days, though Maggie wondered how many dispatchers were left to take 911 calls, much less send anyone to deal with them. And there was dust everywhere; in the air, on the trees, piled up against the curb. It lent a hazy, unreal quality to their surroundings, as if they were walking through a dream.

 _More like a nightmare,_ Maggie thought as they set off in the direction of Alex’s building. It was slow going; they had to pick their way around piles of rubble and debris from buildings and sidewalks that had been damaged by the Daxamite weapons. There were plenty of other obstacles too — abandoned cars, lost purses, shoes and jackets and sunglasses that had been dropped in the rush to flee.

And bodies. Everywhere bodies.

“Fuck,” Alex breathed as they skirted around the corpse of a woman half-buried in rubble, a small child trapped beneath her. “There’s just so many.”

“You did the best you could,” Maggie said, tugging Alex forward, knowing if she didn’t keep going she might fall to her knees and not get up. Or maybe it wasn’t Alex she had to worry about where that was concerned; maybe she was the one who would collapse in a heap, begging the woman for forgiveness. For not being fast enough or brave enough, for running out of bullets more times than she could count. For not being able to save her; save them all.

 _There will always be ghosts,_ she thought. _And so many of them will come from this day._

They kept moving, making a two-block detour to avoid a fire crew that was trying to pull people from a collapsed building. Alex wanted to help, of course, but then Clark showed up, waving them off with a quick, “I’ve got this,” and so they continued on, sparing a nod or a smile or a kind word for the people they met, people who looked just as tired and worn out as they felt. And all they could do was hold on to each other and keep walking.

“You think it’ll ever be back the way it was?” Alex asked as they trudged up the stairs to her apartment — eight flights that, as tired as Maggie was, felt more like a hundred.

“This city is stronger than anyone gives it credit for,” Maggie said, fumbling in her pocket for the key to Alex’s place. “Just because we have sunshine and nice weather, people think we’re not tough.”

“But we are,” Alex said, and Maggie saw the strength that had carried Alex through the attack on the DEO and the fight to retake it and that terrifying, soul-crushing moment when she had been about to blow the Daxamite command ship out of the sky with Kara still inside. The same strength that, in the end, had kept her alive when she should have drowned in that tank a month ago.

“Yeah, Babe, we are,” Maggie said, and kept climbing.

_______________

 

“Oh my God, we have hot water.”

Maggie put her Glock on the bedside table and tossed her jacket toward the nearest chair. It was bright in the bedroom; too damn bright for sleeping, and yet all she wanted to do was drop onto the bed and curl up in Alex’s arms. But she needed a shower first; they both did, after two straight days of adrenaline and fear and never holding still. The constant threat of death tended to kick the body into overdrive, making the aftermath of a mid-July run at noon smell like roses in the rain by comparison.

“The gas lines must have made it through intact,” Maggie said. “That means we’ll be able to cook if we can find anything in the fridge that’s not spoiled.” 

“I’m too tired to eat,” Alex said, and Maggie heard the shower start up. “Babe, get your ass in here before it gets cold.” 

“Yes, Ma’am,” Maggie said, kicking off her boots. She walked toward the bathroom, stripping off her shirt as she went, unbuckling her belt, undoing her jeans. By the time she got inside Alex was already under the spray, making the kinds of noises she usually only made when Maggie was on her knees on the floor of the tub with her arms wrapped around Alex’s waist. 

_If only I had the energy for that,_ Maggie thought as she stripped off the rest of her clothes and climbed inside. The heat pelting against her skin felt like heaven, but it was nothing compared to Alex opening her arms with a quiet, “Hey, you.”

“Hey,” Maggie said, shuffling forward until she was folded into Alex’s arms. They kissed slowly, the mist settling across their faces until Maggie could taste the water on Alex’s lips. After a moment Alex pivoted, drawing Maggie around until she was fully beneath the spray, and she felt its warmth spread across her shoulders and trickle down her legs. She tilted her head back until the water ran down her face and hair, feeling the tension in her body start, ever so slightly, to ease. “God, that feels good.”

“See what happens when you take your showers hot?” Alex teased, and Maggie just nodded, conceding the point with a rueful smile. There had been a few weeks, after the horror of Alex’s kidnapping by Rick Malverne, when Maggie had deliberately avoided turning on the hot water when she showered. She’d thought of it as a test; a way to take on a little bit of the pain Alex had experienced, if only to understand what it had been like for her during those long, lonely hours when the tank had been filling with water. _Agonizing_ was the only conclusion she had drawn, yet she’d continued to do it, at least until Alex had climbed in with her unexpectedly one morning and busted her but good. The next day, she’d found herself sitting beside Alex on her therapist’s couch, doing her best to sidestep any pointed questions — or at least she had until Alex looked at her and said, “Mags, he did this to you too. He stalked you because of me. He took me away from you.” 

And Maggie had stopped fighting after that, had stopped punishing herself for the things she’d failed at, the things she hadn’t been able to control. She’d stopped doing anything, in fact, but try to love Alex back to a place that felt stable and safe, a place where the nightmares receded and her girl was able to sleep through the night. It had seemed to be working — until now, when the bottom had fallen out of the world again. 

“Lean back,” Alex said, gathering the strands of Maggie’s hair between her hands, and Maggie let her head drop into the full force of the spray. She closed her eyes, hearing Alex hum softly as she kneaded a dollop of shampoo into Maggie’s scalp. She worked the suds down the length of Maggie’s hair, and Maggie felt a muscle unknot, then another, until she was all but purring.

“I love when you do that,” she said, letting Alex guide her head under the spray, Alex’s fingers sliding through the strands as she rinsed the shampoo away. 

“I love doing it,” Alex said, smoothing the wet length of hair between her palms and tucking the side strands behind Maggie’s ears. She pressed a kiss to Maggie’s forehead, murmuring, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you still haven’t answered my question.”

Maggie pulled Alex close and kissed the base of her throat. “Turn around,” she said, and felt Alex smile against her temple before turning so that her back was to the spray. 

“This from the woman who hates to keep a lady waiting,” Alex muttered as Maggie cradled her head and eased it under the spray. 

“The important things are worth waiting for,” Maggie said, and kissed Alex’s shoulder, and smiled.

 

\------

 

Maggie was out cold by the time her head hit the pillow; so fast, in fact, that she wasn’t sure she’d actually managed to pull Alex into her arms. But they must have drifted together while they slept, because when the siren outside their window woke her shortly after noon, Alex’s arm was over her waist and Alex’s head was buried in her shoulder. She kissed that crown of tangled auburn curls, carefully sliding it to the pillow before climbing off the bed. Pulling her Glock off the nightstand, she padded toward the window, keeping her body behind the solid protection of the bedroom wall while she peered through the diaphanous curtains. She couldn’t see much; the squad car was parked far enough down the street that there was no way to gauge exactly what was going on, but the relative quiet that followed made her think there was no need to be truly worried. Most likely it was just an overexcited rook hitting the siren when he could just as easily have pulled up without making a big production out of it. It eased her mind a little; if dumbass rookies were back to being dumbass rookies, then maybe the world was starting to right itself again.

She heard a rustle from the bed, a creak as the mattress shifted, and turned, seeing Alex peering over at her with sleep-fogged eyes. “It’s okay,” she said, gesturing for Alex to stay put. “Nothing worth worrying about.”

Yet she couldn’t help but crane her neck around to look one last time, just to make sure whatever was going on hadn’t turned into the sort of mess she’d feel obligated to join, if only to keep that excitable rook from getting his head blown off. So she wasn’t as aware as she should have been; wasn’t focused on Alex sliding off the bed and shuffling toward her until a pair of hands latched around her waist. 

“Jesus, Babe,” she said, biting back a yelp. “You do know I’m holding a gun, right?”

“Put it down,” Alex said, wrapping her arms around Maggie’s waist until their bodies were molded together, back to front. “I need to feel you.”

“Yeah?” Maggie asked, her breath hitching as Alex’s lips pressed beneath her ear. A hand slid low across her belly, pulling her even tighter against Alex’s hips. 

Yeah.” Alex drew Maggie’s hair to the side and kissed her neck, and with each fluttering touch, Maggie felt a tiny shock of sensation go straight to her groin. “Please?”

And there was something in that plea, something so like Alex’s desperate need when she had proposed a few hours earlier, that turned Maggie’s legs to water. She leaned toward the nightstand and put down the Glock, intending to turn in Alex’s arms, but Alex couldn’t even wait that long. The second the gun hit the table Alex was catching at Maggie’s hips and swinging her around, backing her against the window with breathtaking force. Maggie felt the warm glass against her shoulders, the thin curtain in between, and then she was being lifted: Up, fast, hard, until the only way to hold her balance was to wrap her legs around Alex’s waist. Her arms locked around Alex’s neck as her mouth was engulfed in a feverish kiss, and suddenly there were many things happening at once: Alex’s mouth against her own, her tongue probing deep inside; Alex’s hips pinning her hard against the window; Alex’s left hand cradling the back of her skull, the right sliding under her t-shirt and tugging down her underwear. Maggie let her head roll back, exposing her neck to Alex’s kisses, and felt Alex’s fingers drive in deep with a sharpness almost to the point of pain. But Maggie liked that somehow — liked the clarity it brought, the clear, bright rush of sensation, so unlike the slow, playful, deeply intimate way they usually touched each other. This wasn’t their normal lovemaking; this was a cry of the heart, a scream against the dark. A reflexive “Fuck you” to the ugly death that had nearly claimed them both.

“Harder,” she hissed, pulling Alex close, biting down on the juncture between her neck and shoulder until Alex let out a moan. “Fuck me harder.” 

And Alex just growled, pressing her hard against the glass; so hard, in fact, that Maggie felt a stray moment of worry about whether the seal holding the window in place was strong enough to take the pressure. Then she felt a shudder roll through her, starting low in her spine and working its way outward until every nerve in her body felt like it was on fire. A cry bubbled up in her throat, crested, dissolved in the eerily quiet apartment as she froze, her body locked in a convulsion so deep that she wondered if she might be lost in it forever.

She went limp, falling forward onto Alex’s chest, and felt Alex carry her toward the bed. A soft grunt, a sudden lunge, and Maggie found herself lying on her back on the mattress, her arms loosely cradling Alex’s head and shoulders. A siren wailed off in the distance — an ambulance this time, with a fire truck chaser. _So many still hurting,_ she thought. _So many in need of care._

But the only person who truly mattered right now was lying next to her, panting like she’d just run a marathon. Maggie brushed tangled curls away, sliding a hand to Alex’s cheek and rubbing a thumb over her cheekbone. She drew her forward, bringing their mouths together, and kissed her with as much strength as she could muster. And Alex responded by opening herself to it, by laying everything she was bare. It only took a nudge to push her over, to roll her onto her back and slide over her, to straddle her waist while framing her face with both hands. 

“Slide up,” she murmured, and Alex slithered up the bed, turning and twisting until she was lying with her head against the pillows. There were tears brimming in her eyes; the pain and fear and frustration of the last days, the hurt and anger of it, all poised to spill out like a torrent. Maggie smoothed her fingers over Alex’s brow, kissing her cheeks, her eyelids, feeling the salt of those tears on her lips. Her hands slid down Alex’s arms, catching at her hands and pulling them forward so she could kiss first one, then the other before dropping her own hands to Alex’s breasts, the caress both comfort and need. A smile creased her face when Alex shivered at the touch, and she leaned forward, nipping at Alex’s mouth as she breathed, “I need to feel you too.” 

And then they were kissing, kissing hard and deep, and Maggie felt a surge of lust run straight through her as she tugged Alex’s sweats downward and pulled them off. She leaned forward, breathing in the sweet, wet scent, and felt her mouth water in anticipation. But as tempting as spending an hour or two with her face buried between those thighs might be, she needed something faster, deeper. Something more like what Alex had just given her.

She caught Alex by the hips, flipping her in one swift movement, and Alex let out a small cry but didn’t resist; simply rolled with Maggie’s hands until she landed on her stomach, her elbows braced against the pillow. Alex pushed onto her knees, her legs spreading wide as if in offering while Maggie dragged her long, loose tank top upward, bunching it between her hands until she could see the smooth line of Alex’s back. There were bruises there; dark bruises in the shape of a hand, and Maggie wanted to know who had given her those, wanted to strangle whomever had dared mar that perfect skin. But for now she just kissed them, her tongue and teeth soothing gently as she wrapped one arm around Alex’s waist. Her other hand slid up the curve of Alex’s thigh until it reached warm, wet heat, and she paused, feeling Alex grow restive under her hands. 

“Please,” Alex said, and this time it wasn’t a plea, but a demand. 

And Maggie yielded to it, driving her fingers inside with a rough insistence that made Alex tremble beneath her. But she didn’t cry out; didn’t do anything but whisper “More” before dropping forward, her head bracing over her hands as she dug her fingers into the pillow. So Maggie held Alex tight and fucked her hard until, with a sharp, shuddering cry, Alex clenched around her hand. Maggie waited then, easing Alex down with slow thrusts through one, then two, then three aftershocks until finally, she pulled away. 

Alex gave a keening cry at the withdrawal, and Maggie drew her in close, soothing her with her mouth and her hands. “You okay?”

Alex closed her eyes and shook her head, burying her face in Maggie’s shoulder. “We almost died,” she said, a tremor in her voice like the sound of glass shattering. “Again.”

“I know, Baby.” Maggie stroked her hands up and down Alex’s back beneath the rumpled, sweaty tank top, her voice low and filled with every bit of tenderness she felt for the beautiful, brave, unbelievably strong woman wrapped in her arms. “But we didn’t.”

And Alex nodded and drew a breath against Maggie’s shoulder, holding on as if it was the only thing keeping her alive.

 

________________ 

 

They lay there for a time, Maggie pressing soft kisses to the crown of Alex’s head while whispering the only words she could think of, the only thing that might soothe her troubled heart: “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I love you.”

And eventually Alex settled, went quiet, the darkness of the last days seeming to ease from her in a way that felt manageable. Maggie drew away just far enough to be able to look at Alex’s face and asked, “Sweetie, can you tell me what happened with the scorch mark on the DEO floor?”

Alex’s eyes snapped around, her body stiffening at the question. Maggie waited for her to relax, for her to stop looking quite so much like a caged animal, and then added a quiet, “Please?” 

“How the hell did you…” Alex trailed off, pressing her lips together while rolling her eyes to the side. “Let me guess. You’re a detective. You detect.”

“Something like that.” Maggie soothed a hand up and down Alex’s back, hoping it would be enough to get her to start talking. She’d learned how important that was in the last month — to get Alex talking, to get her to deal with her feelings, to process instead of going for the Scotch the second she walked in the door. It had been hard — neither one of them was any damn good at it, and yet if they were going to make it, if they were going to get to where they needed to be if that question Alex had asked was ever going to be a reality, then they needed to keep trying. Especially considering how often Alex put her life on the line to save Kara or the DEO or the whole fucking world.

So Maggie pressed a hand to Alex’s cheek and brushed a thumb over her lips, waiting for Alex to settle, to really look at her, before softly saying, “Just tell me before I have to pull out the big guns, will you?”

“I think there’s been enough of that for one week,” Alex said, though the joke didn’t quite reach her eyes. Because they’d killed, they’d both killed, over and over again. That’s what soldiers did in war, and they’d just survived one. Barely.

But Alex was strong — so damn strong — and so she took a breath, and looked straight at Maggie with those beautiful, stunningly intense brown eyes, and began to speak. “After we got cut off on the phone, the Daxamites started teleporting directly into the DEO. There were…I don’t know…twenty of them, maybe?”

“Sounds about right,” Maggie said, for that’s how many had appeared out of nowhere in NCPD headquarters, taking out more cops than she wanted to think about. She still wasn’t sure how she’d made it out other than blind luck and being small enough to stay low to the ground until she could get far enough away to start shooting. 

“So I told everyone to evacuate, but they were cutting off the exits faster than we could move,” Alex said, her face tensing, as if reliving the horror of knowing her people were trapped atop a skyscraper with no escape. “I saw Winn and Vasquez make it out the one side door that was unblocked, but I got pinned down and couldn’t go that way. And I knew Kara was outside and on her way. So I…ran.” 

“Ran where?” Maggie asked, though she was fairly sure she already knew the answer.

“Up the steps and toward the balcony,” Alex said, and she dared to shoot a glance at Maggie then, a glance that looked so damn guilty that Maggie would have laughed if she hadn’t felt like she was about to throw up. “I went straight for that big gap in the railing, the one we were standing by when I —“ She paused, mercifully sidestepping that particular conversation, for the moment at least. “And then I just… jumped.”

“Off the balcony,” Maggie said. “Of the DEO.”

Alex nodded, biting the inside of her cheek.

“From twenty-two stories up,” Maggie said, just to confirm. 

Alex nodded again. 

“Jesus Christ, Alex,” Maggie said, sliding back far enough to find her pillow. She smacked it a couple times with her fist, taking her anger out on it so she wouldn’t vent it all over Alex. But she was so fucking pissed — not that Alex had taken what was probably the only way out for her, but that she’d done it on the blind, almost naïve certainty that her sister would save the day. “How long were you in free fall before Kara caught you?”

“I don’t…” Alex pressed her lips together and thought about it for a second. “There was a fire truck going by, and I was close enough to be able to see the guys on it looking up at me like I’d lost my mind. Which, I kind of had at that point, because that ground comes up really fast.”

“Fuck.” Maggie propped her pillow behind her and sat up against the backboard, crossing her arms in front of her and glaring down at Alex. “That’s why there are bruises in the shape of handprints on your back, aren’t there?”

“There are?” Alex lifted her tank top and craned her head over her shoulder, trying to see. “Wow, she hasn’t done that to me in ages.” 

“Alex, this isn’t funny!” Maggie exclaimed. And then, just for point of emphasis, she jammed her finger into the bruise over Alex’s back ribs. Alex let out a yelp and recoiled away, and Maggie sank against her pillow, still fuming. “You see now?”

“Fuck, yes, I get it, you’re pissed,” Alex said, rolling onto her side. “Look, I know why you’re not happy —“

“Do you?” Maggie interrupted. “Because you taking a chance like that in hopes that —“

“That my sister, who I trust with every fiber of my being, who was on a live comm with me and knew my exact location, would get there in time?” Alex pushed up on one elbow, her eyes blazing, as if daring Maggie to argue with her. “That she’d have my back no matter what?”

And Maggie couldn’t help but think about the worst moment of the last two days — the moment when, with no ammo left, she’d gotten cut off in an alley by three Daxamite soldiers looking to have a little fun on the side. She’d taken the first two down, but the third had cornered her, had backed her against a wall, the stench of rotting garbage all around her as he’d wrapped one hand around her neck while the other reached for her belt buckle. She’d forced herself to hold steady, knowing she had to wait until he had his pants down to slam her knee into his unprotected groin. The odds were it would have failed —even if she’d made a dent, he probably would have snapped her neck — yet it had been the only play she’d had left. 

James had found her then, his blast weapon taking the bastard down before he’d even gotten to her zipper, and Maggie had simply grated out a ragged “Thanks” before they were moving again. Yet if she’d had any bullets left, she would have put one through that Daxamite bastard’s head. And even now, she couldn’t think of it as murder, not really — not when allowing him to live would have meant that he could have tried it with someone else, someone who might not have been armed with a Glock and the ability to use it. She was an officer of the law, but justice was justice.

And besides, she hadn’t been a cop on those streets. She’d been a soldier.

So she looked at Alex and quietly said, “Yes, I get what it means to know someone has your back. But I also know this is the second time in a month that you’ve come within a few seconds of dying, and it scares me, Babe. It scares me more than I can possibly say.”

Alex nodded, and for a moment she looked away, her eyes shadowed with something that might have been regret. Then she looked at Maggie, and there was something small and unsure and yet so unabashedly sincere in her voice as she said, “I’m sorry.”

And all of Maggie’s anger melted away, lost in the miracle that was Alex Danvers in bed next to her, in spite of everything they’d just been through. “Come here,” she said, and opened her arms, feeling Alex slide up against her, all strength and fragility and grace, like a newborn colt learning to use its legs for the first time. She wrapped her arms around Alex and kissed her, kissed her slow, because no matter how annoyed she was, the thought of doing anything but kissing Alex as often as possible was unbearable. “I’m putting a ‘no more jumping off buildings’ clause in the pre-nup, okay?”

“Is that a yes?” Alex asked, wrapping her arms tighter around Maggie’s shoulders.

“That’s a ‘You’re a fucking idiot but I love you anyway,’” Maggie said, and tucked her head into Alex’s chest. 

And this time, it was her turn to hold on like her life depended on it. 

 

\-------

 

It was mid-afternoon when the rumbling in Maggie’s stomach drove her out of bed. She kissed Alex’s shoulder, mumbling, “Time to look for food,” and stumbled toward the kitchen while tugging on a pair of shorts. The refrigerator was still semi-cold, though it had been off far too long to trust anything that really needed refrigeration. That meant the three cartons of yogurt they had were garbage, and so were the eggs, but the vegetables were still good, if a little less crisp than they might have been under normal circumstances. 

She checked the freezer next, lamenting the liquefied remains of her non-dairy Cherry Garcia and Chunky Monkey. The chicken breasts she’d frozen after the last time she’d made _Arroz com Galinha_ , however, had defrosted just enough to be usable, and there was a half carton of rice still in the cupboard. “Grandma Rafa is smiling down on us right now.”

“Chicken and rice?” Alex asked, perking up like a puppy being offered a favorite treat.

Maggie nodded. “Not like I usually make it, but close enough.”

“Maggie Sawyer, I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more,” Alex said as she fumbled for her sweatpants and padded into the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around Maggie’s waist from behind, nuzzling into her hair before pressing a kiss to her temple. “Not that I asked you marry me just for your cooking.”

“But you’re not complaining either,” Maggie said with a cackle. 

“Not in the least.” Alex kissed her cheek and walked over to the wine rack, searching for a Chardonnay that Maggie could use to sauté the rice. She opened the bottle and poured each of them a glass while Maggie chopped vegetables and got the rice underway. Soon they were settled in at the table, burrowing through the meal like they hadn’t eaten in three days — which, Maggie realized, they basically hadn’t. 

“What’s the last thing you remember eating?” she asked as Alex ladled out second helpings for each of them.

“I think I had some field rations right after I got back from the Fortress of Solitude.” Alex leaned forward, dropping her voice low as if she was passing along a state secret as she added, “Which, by the way, you need to see someday, because it’s fricking amazing.”

“Maybe that should be our first vacation,” Maggie replied, and saw Alex shake her head in horror. “I know, you want a beach, and luckily, so do I.” She scooped another bite of rice into her mouth, swallowed it down, and said, “I think the last thing I ate was either a bag of potato chips at the bar or a power bar I snagged off a convenience store shelf.” 

“Your NCPD in action,” Alex said with a wry grin, and Maggie nudged her under the table. “You going to pay the owner back, you corrupt cop?”

“I think he’ll survive,” Maggie said, though she made a note to stop by the store next time she was in the neighborhood and pay the three bucks she owed. She ate a few more bites, then deliberately pushed her plate away. “I’m so full.”

“Me too, and there’s no way to save those leftovers,” Alex said, gesturing toward the remnants in the frying pan. Under normal circumstances they would have just called Kara, but both their phones had bricked, and even if they did work, Maggie had a feeling Kara wasn’t in the mood for food right now.

And then they looked at each other, nodding, and said “Mrs. Yee,” at the same time.

“I’ll run them over while you clean up?” Alex asked, and Maggie nodded, not minding that she got both cooking and dish duty if it meant she could avoid the chatty retiree down the hall. Alex loved her though, if only because visiting gave her a chance to practice her Mandarin, and so she happily took the carton of leftovers across the way while Maggie washed the plates and left the frying pan to soak. She finished her wine while she bagged up the perishables that needed to be tossed and took them to the garbage chute, returning just as Alex emerged from their neighbor’s place. Together, they returned to the apartment, Maggie closing the door and locking it behind her. Then she turned, planting her back to the door, and marched toward Alex with slow, deliberate steps. 

“You have that look on your face,” Alex said as Maggie drew closer.

“What look is that?” Maggie asked, her mouth curving in a smile. 

“That look that —“ Alex broke off as Maggie rose up on tiptoe, silencing her with a kiss. “Oh.”

“All the ice cream is melted,” Maggie said, catching Alex at the hips and backing her through the living room. “So we’re going to have to improvise for dessert.” 

“Improvise with…” Maggie waited for the moment when the light bulb clicked on and Alex’s eyebrows shot up almost to her hairline. “Oh. I see.”

“It’s good that you see,” Maggie said, guiding Alex up the steps that led to the bed. “Also, in our next place, we’re having a normal bed.” 

“So does that mean that…” Alex’s knees hit the mattress, and she slithered onto the bed, pushing both pillows and bedding aside while Maggie loomed over her. “That you…”

“Later,” Maggie husked, and Alex’s eyes went wide.

And then she smiled.

Maggie took her time, peeling off her own clothes before doing the same for Alex, kissing everywhere her mouth could touch, every bit of smooth, beautiful skin being offered. She waited past the edge of her own endurance before settling between Alex’s legs, drawing them over her shoulders while beneath her, Alex’s stomach muscles tightened in anticipation. And then she ducked her head down and took that first taste, her tongue sliding upward on the slowest, most pleasantly torturous path possible. 

And Alex arched against her, those long, expressive fingers sliding into the curls at the edge of her hairline, as if bracing herself for what was to come. “Oh, God,” she breathed.

“Yeah, Baby,” Maggie murmured, in that low, rough register that belonged to Alex and Alex alone. “That kind of night.” 

Alex didn’t say anything — just squirmed, and sighed, and threaded her other hand through Maggie’s hair, holding on while Maggie nestled in deeper, losing herself in the slow, methodical rhythm of bringing Alex to climax. She felt as if her whole body was listening — to the restlessness in Alex’s hips, the tension in her belly, the soft sighs and whispered words and occasional gasps that meant she was near her peak. They gave Maggie the information she needed to draw out the pleasure as long as possible, to delay Alex’s release until Alex was writhing beneath her and Maggie couldn’t bear to hold her back any more. But that was just the first step on the journey, and after a few minutes Maggie began again, building Alex up more slowly, taking her higher this time. 

And then even more slowly, and higher still. 

She would have kept going, but Alex caught at her head, a breathy “No more” spilling from her lips. And so Maggie kissed her way up Alex’s body, drawing her close yet again while the sweat on their bodies dried in the soft afternoon light. They cuddled there for a time, until at last Alex pushed onto one elbow, her fingertips trailing down Maggie’s side. “That was better than tiramisu.”

“Nothing is better than tiramisu,” Maggie said, pressing her lips together to try to stop a grin.

“So you say,” Alex said, and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Maggie’s shoulder. She worked her way up to Maggie’s neck, tugging at her earlobe with her teeth, before raining kisses down on Maggie’s mouth, her face, her throat. 

And then suddenly Maggie felt Alex go still. She sat back, bracing on one elbow, and looked down at Maggie — not at her face, but at her throat. Her brow furrowed, her mouth narrowing into a thin line as she tilted her head to one side. It made Maggie think — rather uncomfortably — of the way Alex tended to look at evidence in need of cataloguing. 

“Something wrong?” Maggie asked, adding, just to break the tension, “If you tell me I’ve got alien goo stuck to me after all this time, I swear to God…”

But Alex didn’t respond — simply sat up and reached behind her to grab the flashlight she kept in her nightstand drawer. “Sit up for me, would you?” she asked, and Maggie felt her stomach sink, because Alex had seen the bruises on her neck, and seeing those bruises meant Alex would want to know what had caused them.

And Maggie didn’t want to have that conversation. She just wanted to forget.

Alex turned on the flashlight and ran the beam over Maggie’s throat, touching her lightly on the jaw to guide her head to the right, then the left. She propped the flashlight on the pillow and brought both hands to either side of Maggie’s neck, her fingers working downward from Maggie’s jawline to the base of her throat. “Swallow for me?” she asked, and Maggie did.

And then Alex sat back, setting the flashlight aside, and said, “Anything else you conveniently forgot to tell me while you were yelling at me about jumping off a building?”

“I suppose I deserve that,” Maggie admitted, and Alex let out a snort.

“Yes, you do.” Alex brushed one hand through Maggie’s hair, tucking a strand behind her ear before resting her palm against Maggie’s cheek. She curled onto her side, pulling Maggie against her, and looked at Maggie with those big, brown, damn near hypnotic eyes. “Tell me? Please?”

And once again, Maggie fought against every instinct she had and let Alex see behind the façade she had constructed to keep the world at bay. It wasn’t easy; she chose her words carefully, giving as little detail as possible about what had happened with the three Daxamites in the alley. But Alex had questions, and Maggie answered them. What else could she do for Alex — her sweet Alex, who loved her as no one ever had — but give her the truth?

When she was done, she fell silent, waiting for Alex to respond — to say something, anything, give her some clue as to how she was feeling. But Alex didn’t speak — simply leaned in and slowly kissed her way across the mark the Daxamite had left behind. She didn’t stop there; she kept going, using her eyes and mouth and hands to catalog every bump and bruise and battle scar. There were more than Maggie had realized: The mark on her shoulder from the riot gun’s recoil; the contusion on the back of her thigh from where a Daxamite had tried to kneecap her; the unexpectedly tender spot on her lower back where she must have taken a hit and just kept going. By the time Alex was finished their building had fallen into the shadow of a nearby skyscraper, leaving the apartment in an early, eerie darkness.

And it was as that darkness descended that Alex urged Maggie onto her back, and drew her legs apart, and made her forget that the rest of the world existed.

It had never been like this, she realized as the pleasure built, as it peaked, as it spread through her in slow, shuddering waves. Nothing had ever been like this, not in all those long, lonely years of waiting for Alex to find her, to bring her to the only place in the world that had ever felt like home. There were no doubts, no questions, no possibilities of any other path forward except by Alex’s side. No answer but ‘Yes.’

But first, they had to have the talk.

__________

 

It was pitch black in the apartment by the time they finished showering and changed the sheets. Maggie lit some candles and turned on the fireplace while Alex poured them each a Scotch, and then they settled on opposite sides of the couch, a blanket over each of their legs, their feet tangled together. Maggie let the quiet contentment of the moment linger through her first few sips of whisky — long enough to find the courage to say, “So…about that question.” 

“Oh, that,” Alex said, hiding behind the rim of her glass. “I’d almost forgotten.”

“Sure you had,” Maggie said with a laugh. She nudged Alex’s foot beneath the blanket, waiting for her to smile, and quietly said, “I think we should talk about a few things first.” 

“Maggie, if you’re not sure about…” Alex started to say, that fear rising in her eyes again.

“No,” Maggie said, cutting her off as fast as she could. “I’m as sure of you, Alex Danvers, as I’ve been about anything in my entire life.” 

Alex smiled then — beamed really, that slow, shy smile of hers gradually turning into something so bright and beautiful that Maggie’s heart sped up at the sight. Then her head tilted to the side, a thread of worry in her eyes. “Then why won’t you answer me?”

“Because we need to know that we’re on the same page, Babe,” Maggie said, and Alex flinched a little, as if the thought had never occurred to her — which, knowing Alex, it probably hadn’t. After what they’d both just been through, Maggie couldn’t blame her.

But they had to be sure. There was no way in hell Maggie was putting on a ring unless they were absolutely sure. 

She sat back against the throw pillow, took a sip of her Scotch, and said, “I guess what I want to know is — what do you want?”

“Is this like one of those annoying job interview questions about where I see my life in five years?” Alex asked, and Maggie nudged her foot again.

“If that’s what it takes to get you motivated to talk,” Maggie said, and Alex’s mouth quirked in a self-deprecating grin before she took another drink. “We know we’re compatible in terms of our jobs, and to say we’re pretty good in bed together is an understatement —“

Alex choked on her Scotch at that, and Maggie waited until she stopped coughing, until she said in a weak, scratchy voice, “I guess you could say that.”

“You could,” Maggie said, and for a long moment they just looked at each other, wearing that same dumbstruck, starry-eyed look that had been permanently fixed on their faces for the better part of the last six months. Maggie shook it off, clearing her throat, and added, “But just because those things work now doesn’t mean that they work for the long haul. And if I’m going to put a ring on, I want it to be for the long haul.”

“Forever,” Alex said, her gaze focused on the flames dancing in front of them.

And Maggie waited for Alex to look at her, and nodded, and said, “Forever.”

Alex smiled and sipped her Scotch, her attention returning to the flames. After a few minutes, she said, “So what do you want from life, Maggie Sawyer?”

“Well, for starters, I’m going to have to go back to school,” Maggie said, with a low sigh to convey just how much she was dreading the prospect.

“A master’s?” Alex asked, and Maggie nodded. “But that’d be amazing. I could help you study. I had the best index card system when I was in school, it would have you ready for anything, and…” Alex trailed off when she realized just how hard Maggie was laughing at her. “You think I’m the worst nerd in the world, don’t you.”

“I think you’re adorable is what I think.” Maggie stretched against the couch cushion, her toes curling against Alex’s ankle, and saw Alex give her a side-eyed, bashful smile. “I can make Captain with what I’ve got, but if I want to move beyond that I’m going to need all the ammunition I can get, especially as a brown, queer woman trying to break through the NCPD glass ceiling.”

“Just how far through that ceiling do you want to break?” Alex asked.

Maggie took a sip of her Scotch, arched an eyebrow, and smiled.

“Good to know, Commissioner Sawyer,” Alex said, and Maggie grinned at the mixture of pride and teasing in her girlfriend’s tone. “If anyone can beat the boys at their own game, it’s you.”

“Starting in Gotham gave me a pretty good crash course in how to handle swinging dicks who are a little too full of themselves.” Maggie leaned forward, swung the Scotch bottle off the table, and topped off each of their glasses. “Okay, Danvers, your turn. What’s on your list?”

“My list?” Alex arched an eyebrow. “What makes you think there’s a list?”

Maggie just stared at her, trying not to smirk, until Alex cracked a smile and admitted, “You’re right, there’s a list.”

“Of course there is.” Maggie felt Alex’s leg twitch beneath hers and cracked a sideways smile, sliding the arch of her foot along the smooth skin of Alex’s shin. “So spill. What’s on it?”

“Well, Gertrude, for one,” Alex said, cracking a grin when she felt Maggie twitch against her. “Oh come on, I get that one on account of near drowning.”

“Trudy?” Maggie said, trying not to beg, and Alex just shook her head. “Alex, please don’t do that to that poor dog.”

“That dog has a brain the size of a baked potato. She won’t know the difference.” Alex took a sip of her Scotch, smirking far too much at Maggie’s discomfort, before saying, “Actually, I was thinking maybe we could look into adopting a retired police dog, which would mean it would come with a name already attached.”

“That was a thought I’d had too.” Maggie glanced around the apartment, saying, “So that means a big dog. And a big dog means…”

“A bigger place.” Alex nodded. “I’ve been saving for a while. Living downtown is nice, but eventually I’d like someplace with a yard. Maybe even in walking distance of the beach, because I miss hearing the ocean.”

“That’s going to be a bitch of a commute,” Maggie said, and saw Alex smirk. “Except not for you, because your sister can fly you in on bad traffic days.” 

“She’s the best shuttle service there is.” Alex looked over at Maggie, her voice almost shy ask she asked, “Is that something you would be open to? A house, a yard, maybe even a little garden?”

Maggie set aside the idea of the hellish commute, though her bike would certainly make that easier, and focused on the possibilities: Backyard barbeques, fresh vegetables coming from their own little plot, waking up every morning next to Alex in a bedroom filled with light — only this time, it also had a door. A place of their own that they could paint and decorate and maybe even remodel together. And then she thought about Alex dressed in painting clothes, a splash of yellow sprinkled over her freckles — because for their bedroom to glow the way she wanted it to, it would have to be yellow. 

“Yes, I’d like that,” she said, nodding. But the real test was coming next – the one that would probably be make or break for them. And so she took another sip of her Scotch and asked, “So…how many bedrooms were you thinking?”

“Bedrooms?” Alex lowered her glass to her lap, blinking. “Does it matter?” 

“For price and square footage, sure.” Maggie ran a fingertip along the rim of her glass, quietly adding, “And for other things too.”

“Other things?” Alex said, and it was clear she still wasn’t following where Maggie was going. “Resale, sure. Isn’t three ideal for that?”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “And before we sell…” She watched Alex blink at her again and nudged her leg. “Alex, who’s going to be in those bedrooms?”

“Oh! Well our kids, of course.” And then Alex’s breath caught, and she looked up at Maggie, a wary stillness in her gaze. “Oh. Kids.”

“Yeah, kids,” Maggie said, letting out a breath. “I’m guessing that means you want them?”

“Absolutely. Two if we can.” Alex looked over at the fireplace, something verging on timid in her voice as she asked, “Do you? Want them?”

“I’ve never really thought about it,” Maggie said, and saw Alex freeze like a knife had gone through her heart. She leaned forward, catching at Alex’s foot beneath the blanket, and waited for Alex to look at her. “Babe, that’s not a no.”

“Oh,” Alex said, and blew out a long breath. “Okay, good. I mean…” She sank back against the cushion, softly saying, “There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids. But I do.” She paused, taking a sip of her Scotch, and said, “Want them, I mean.”

“I got that,” Maggie said, letting out a soft chuckle. “On account of you, y’know, looking like someone shot Gertrude at the thought that I didn’t.” 

Alex let out a laugh. “Was it that obvious?”

“Only to someone who can read you like a book.” Maggie settled against the couch, quietly saying, “So, you want two. This is the point I ask you why.”

“So nosy. You’d think you asked questions for a living.” Alex grinned, nudging Maggie’s knee, but then she turned quiet, her attention flitting between the fire and her Scotch glass. She cradled it in her lap, looking down at it for a long time, and Maggie stayed silent, waiting for her to compose her thoughts, to figure out how to explain what she sensed was something deep and fundamental to Alex. Something embedded in her soul.

At last she lifted her head, and said, “I’ve always wanted to be a mom.”

“Why?” Maggie asked.

Alex seemed startled by that, as if the simplicity of the question was in and of itself overwhelming. And Maggie just gave her a moment, allowing her to gather her thoughts, to align her thinking into the precise, bright, clear layers that would enable her to translate her thoughts into words. Alex’s mind moved at the speed of light; her vocal cords, not so much.

“I didn’t think I wanted them when I was growing up,” Alex said, the words halting at first, as if she was choosing each one with care. “It was just me, you know? Me and my mom and dad, and when I would imagine anything more than that, I’d feel…resentful. Like my parents were mine, and no one else had a right to them. But then Clark brought Kara to us, and at first…”

“You hated her?” Maggie asked, for that’s how she had felt at the thought of another sibling back when her parents had been trying for a second child. Something had gone wrong; she’d never been sure what, but the little brother or sister they had been promising suddenly disappeared from her mother’s belly. After that Maggie had been it for them, the center of both their lives — until the moment she’d stopped existing. She wondered sometimes if things would have been different if little Tomás or Isabella had been born; if her mother hadn’t shut down, her life consumed by her determination that Maggie become the perfect daughter. By wanting her to be something that she could never possibly be.

“I hated her so much,” Alex said, and her smile was one of relief, as if Maggie understanding what she was saying made it easier for her to keep going. “But then Kara…she came through for me, saved my ass when I did something painfully stupid because I was too naïve to realize that a smile is sometimes the last thing you should trust. And after that, we were sisters in every way that mattered.”

“She had your back,” Maggie said, though she knew that the words barely scratched the surface of the trust that Alex and Kara shared. 

“She did. And she always will,” Alex said, and Maggie knew that was true, that no matter how deep and rich and complete their life together was, a part of Alex’s soul would always belong to Kara. _And that’s okay,_ she realized. _That’s right, because without her, Alex isn’t whole._

And God help anyone who was unwilling to accept that bond.

So she simply ran her toes along the underside of Alex’s calf, urging her to continue. “Not that I’m complaining about this little tangent, but it doesn’t quite explain why you want kids.” 

“Oh.” Alex gave a soft, sideways grin, staring down at her Scotch as if it was to blame for her rambling. “My point is…even though she drove me crazy, there were other things about it that were really cool. Like, I was the one who taught her how to speak English, and to read it too. All the little nuances of living as a human…that was me, you know? And I loved watching her…blossom.” Alex looked toward the fire, her face pensive, and said, “I’d like to do that for someone else. But this time, from the very start.”

Maggie smiled at the thought; of teenage Alex, demanding and irritable, quietly preening as she watched some lesson that she’d given, probably in a huff, take hold. And it clicked with her then; how much of who Kara was, who Kara had grown to be, came not from Jeremiah or Eliza, but from Alex — the sister that Kara hadn’t wanted, and that Alex hadn’t wanted to be. And yet somehow they’d made it work — made it the foundation of anything else that happened, in either of their lives.

“So you and Kara is why you want two?” she asked, gently steering the conversation back toward the actual topic.

“That’s part of it,” Alex said. “The other part is…” She paused, considering her words. “I can’t explain it, exactly. The sense that one would be wonderful but two would be…right.”

“One can be lonely,” Maggie said, thinking about all the times she had wished there was someone who could understand what life with her parents had been like. 

Alex must have heard the wistfulness, for this time she was the one to bridge the distance between them, to catch Maggie’s hand and smile at her, smile with such kindness, like she never had to be lonely again.

“So that’s why,” Alex said, squeezing Maggie’s hand. She eased back onto her side of the couch and added, “Even when other things about my life weren’t clear, having kids was.” 

“Things like who you wanted to be a mom with?” Maggie asked, and saw a blush tinge Alex’s cheeks. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Luckily you came along to crack that particular self-delusion.” Alex stretched, settling deeper into the couch. “I guess I always assumed that if I didn’t find the right guy, I’d just have a kid on my own, or maybe try to adopt. But now…” She looked over at Maggie, biting on her lower lip like she always did when she was on the verge of saying something that terrified her. “Now, with you? I just…” She took a breath, a look of yearning on her face, and said, “I want it all.”

Maggie gave herself a moment to absorb the idea — not just of kids, but of kids with Alex. It would mean changes; no more crazy hours, no more nights spent playing pool and drinking whisky and making love until the sun came up. The adventures they wanted to have, the places they wanted to go — all of that traded in for a living room floor scattered with baby shoes and toys, for dirty diapers and stepping on Legos in the middle of the night and school recitals and homework and trying — trying so fucking hard to keep it in balance and always failing. But it would also mean something solid, something settled and real — something that was more than the two of them, a legacy that transcended who they were as individuals. 

It scared her — scared the hell out of her. But a part of her found it tempting.

She decided to start with the practical side, the piece of it that Alex, who was so new to the prospect of a relationship that didn’t offer reproduction as a side benefit that she might not have thought it through. “You know, us having kids…it’s not easy. Whether we adopt or we go the in vitro route, it’ll take planning. And it’s going to be expensive.” 

But Alex just smiled, that sly, _I was the smartest kid in my class and don’t you ever forget it_ look flashing across her features. “You do remember I’m a bioengineer, right? I can pretty well cook up an embryo in my sleep.” 

“But…” Maggie trailed off, trying to process the idea that they could sidestep a big chunk of the complications deriving from the lesbian baby-making process. “Is that…ethical and shit?”

Alex smirked. “Babe, who cares if it saves us fifty grand?” 

“Point taken.” Alex raised her glass, and Maggie couldn’t help but join in on the self-congratulatory toast to her girlfriend’s — _almost fiancée’s_ — ingenuity. She swallowed the last gulp, thought about filling her glass again, and then realized she should probably keep her head clear for this last part of the discussion — or at least wait until it was over to decide if its outcome required her to get properly shitfaced. “Okay, so…have you thought about what having kids would do to your career? Because sorry, Babe, but I’m gonna have to put my foot down about you jumping off buildings when you’re knocked up.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, actually,” Alex admitted, and Maggie startled a little at that — perhaps more at the idea that Alex had been thinking about them having kids together for a while than that she’d considered the implications for her job. “When I was…when Malverne had me…” She bit her lip, twisting her mouth to the side. “There were definitely some ‘life flashing before my eyes’ moments. And it forced me to really consider what I would do if I managed to make it out of there.”

“And that is?” Maggie asked, her voice gentle, for when it came to what Rick Malverne had done to Alex, she could never be anything but gentle. Even if it smarted, ever so slightly, that Alex hadn’t brought it up sooner. 

“That eventually, I’ll probably move into the lab full time.” Alex must have seen the surprise on Maggie’s face, for she said, “I’m sorry, I should have told you about it before now, but I didn’t really put it all together until last week when J’onn and I were talking when I stayed late that one night. And then you had to work last weekend so we didn’t really have time to talk, and then…”

“There was that pesky alien invasion,” Maggie said, giving Alex a sardonic smile.

“Yeah, that.” Alex tried to take a sip of whisky, realized she was out, and cast a wistful glance at the Scotch bottle. Then she shrugged and set her glass aside, settling against the couch cushion and clasping her hands in front of her. “The thing is, I can’t do what I do forever. I can keep up with a Martian and a Kryptonian now, but ten years from now? Fifteen? Maybe not so much.”

“But that doesn’t mean you have to leave the field,” Maggie pointed out. “There are other ways to contribute, even if you can’t be right on the front lines.” 

“I know, and I’m not saying it’s something I want to do next week.” Alex looked down at her hands, frowning, and said, “I just don’t want to be that person who stays out there too long and becomes a liability, because that can get people killed.”

And Maggie heard the subtext beneath her words: That it could get J’onn killed, or Kara killed.

That it could get her killed. 

“J’onn’s open to it, when I’m ready, whenever that is.” Alex looked over at Maggie, giving her a wry smile, and said, “The question is, will you be?”

“Will I be what?” Maggie asked, feeling a sudden rush of fear that, despite her best efforts, she wasn’t sober enough for this conversation. Or maybe, she thought, it simply scared her more than she’d realized — the thought of the changes life would bring, of moving on from ‘Maggie Sawyer, Lone Wolf Detective’ and all that it entailed.

“Ready,” Alex said, and this time, she was the one being gentle. “I know it’s a lot — houses and kids and desk jobs and —“ She waved a hand in the air. “All that other grownup shit. That it means big changes.”

And it did — Maggie knew that it did, that the changes that would have to happen for them to get to that place would be vast and numerous, that the odds that they could get there without what they were building nearly collapsing around their ears was probably ten thousand to one. But they didn’t have to happen all at once — it would take time to get there, and who knew what life might throw at them in the meantime. As long as they could work their way through the tough stuff — as long as they could talk things out and be honest with each other — they could find their way through. 

Besides, there was a part of Maggie that knew, deep down, that she’d be on her way to Home Depot to pick out paint for the nursery the second Alex said it was time for a kid.

So she looked over at Alex, and took a deep breath, and said, “I’m not ready now. But I think when we’ve had some time — when we’ve been able to grow into who we are together — that I could be. Maybe not right at the same time as you, but close enough.” 

“Yeah?” Alex asked, her shoulders sagging as the tension she had been holding in them suddenly released. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure that I want a life with you, Alex Danvers,” Maggie said, feeling tears spring to her eyes. “As for the rest of it, we’ll figure it out as we go.” 

Alex blinked and huffed out a breath, one knuckle sliding beneath her eye to dash away a tear. She shifted onto her knees, crawling across the couch to straddle Maggie’s lap, and leaned in close, whispering, “So that’s a yes?”

Maggie lifted her hands to Alex’s face, trying to still the trembling in her fingers, to keep the joy bubbling inside her from leaving her too overwhelmed to speak. She smiled up at Alex, remembering what it had been like to do this for the first time, and wondered if it would ever stop feeling like the world had been born anew. Still, she couldn’t help but tease Alex one last time, if only to see that adorable little crinkle pop up between her eyebrows. “Babe, for once in your life, would you just shut up and kiss me?”

And much to her surprise, for once Alex did.

 

\---------------

 

They bought the rings on a Sunday in June, almost three weeks after Alex proposed. It had taken that long for both of them to get a day off, what with being up to their necks in trying to put the city back together after the Daxamites had torn it apart. They’d made the decision to get a matched pair, though by mutual consent they each opted to each have something engraved on the inside that wouldn’t be revealed until they gave them to each other. Which, Maggie was amused to see, was almost right there in the jewelry store when the picked them up a week later, if the look on Alex’s face when the jeweler handed her the box was any indication.

“Not yet,” Maggie had whispered, nudging Alex with her elbow, and then caught her hand and pulled her out of the store.

She said it again a few days later, when Alex had gotten that same look in her eye as they lay together, sweaty and exhausted, after an early Friday night that had turned into an even earlier Saturday morning. 

“But when?” Alex asked, something plaintive in her voice.

“Soon,” Maggie said, pressing a kiss to those tangled curls. She slid down and smushed their noses together, her heart thrilling to the unbridled laughter that Alex let out at the gesture, and drew her in close. “I promise it’ll be soon.”

But it wasn’t until they got to Midvale for Eliza’s Fourth of July party that Maggie knew, definitively, that ‘not yet’ was about to turn into ‘now.’ Still, they held out through their first night in the guest room, and the morning spent preparing enough grilled chicken, burgers, and potato salad to feed an army (“Or Kara,” as Alex had snarked when Eliza had her pull yet another package of burgers from the freezer), and through the volleyball game on the beach in which she, James, Lena, and J’onn had gotten their asses kicked by Alex, Kara, Winn, and Eliza while half the neighborhood looked on. So it wasn’t until the lull between dinner and the fireworks that, Eliza assured them, could be watched from the front porch that Maggie looked over at Alex and smiled, tilting her head in the direction of the beach while lifting one shoulder as if in question.

“We’re…uh…gonna go for a walk,” Alex said to Kara, and something in her voice must have piqued her sister’s curiosity, because Kara suddenly swiveled around, tipping her glasses down her nose as if to scan each of them for anomalies. 

Later, Maggie would wonder if it was the rings in their front pockets that had tipped Kara off, or if it had just been how hard both their hearts were racing, because she simply grinned and nodded, the melancholy that had followed her like a shroud for months lifting for just an instant. “Have fun, you two.” 

“We will,” Maggie said, nodding, for it had been a blessing of sorts, one she hadn’t entirely expected to receive. But there had been a thaw there in recent months, an acceptance — somewhere between Malverne and the Daxamite invasion she had earned Kara’s trust, even if they still weren’t quite on the same page about the best way to keep National City safe. It wasn’t something she needed — but she wasn’t going to complain about it, not when it meant one less headache when it came to building a life with Alex.

And besides, she kind of liked the idea of having a kid sister, even if she was a semi-annoying superhero who could fly. 

They walked to the beach, holding hands at first, before gradually drawing closer until their arms were wrapped around each other. Eventually Alex’s footsteps slowed, and she pivoted, her body turning so that she faced Maggie at an angle. She pointed toward an outcrop of rock in the distance. “That’s called ‘Swallow Rock’ because all the birds nest there, and that…” She pointed at a spit of land curving off into the distance, “…is San Juan Point, though everyone who grew up here just refers to it as ‘Makeout Bay.’”

“Sounds like someplace we should visit,” Maggie said, a hint of flirtation in the words. 

“Maybe,” Alex replied, her mouth quirking in a grin. “Though having been there, I always thought this spot would work just as well myself.”

“I wouldn’t argue with that,” Maggie said, pushing up on her toes to give Alex a kiss. She felt the water lap at her feet and smiled against Alex’s mouth. “Tide’s coming in.”

“It happens.” Alex drew back and looked down at her, her smile full of wonder. “Do you have any idea how much I love you, Maggie Sawyer?” 

_It can’t be half as much as I love you,_ Maggie thought, though the words never quite made it to the tip of her tongue. She simply stood there for a moment, looking up at Alex, her hair turned red by the fierce, final light of the sun as those eyes — those beautiful eyes, so full of promise that it felt like she could drown in them — gazed down at her while the ocean roared and swirled its ceaseless refrain.

And it was there, on the edge of that endless unknown, that she dropped to one knee and slipped the ring from her pocket, saying, “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

“But…that’s my line,” Alex said, and Maggie couldn’t help but laugh at that, at the utter frustration on Alex’s face that she had been beaten to the punch. 

“Nothing says that you can’t say it too,” Maggie said, and then yelped as the surf wrapped itself around her knees, soaking her cutoffs halfway to her thighs. “But hurry up, because it’s fucking cold down here, Danvers.”

Alex just laughed and dropped to her knees, sliding Maggie’s ring out of her pocket. “Maggie Sawyer, I want to get a dog with you, I want to have babies with you, I want to grow old with you. Will you be my wife?”

“I would really, really like that,” Maggie managed to choke out, though it took her a minute, what with the tears in her eyes and the lump in her throat and her heart, her heart flooding her chest with love, with joy, with this sense that finally — finally, she was enough for someone. Finally she’d found a home.

And then Alex slid the ring onto her finger and she burst into tears, and it took a minute, maybe two, for Alex to stop rubbing her back and kissing her face and whispering how beautiful she was before Maggie could draw back and say, “But you haven’t answered my question yet.”

“Yes, of course, I do, I will, forever,” Alex sputtered, and before Maggie knew it, she was slipping Alex’s ring onto her finger, and then they were kissing, kissing like the world was about to end, and there was nothing but the sea and the sand and each other.

When they finally wandered back to the house, the fireworks were already underway. Eliza was there at the end of the path, arms open and tears streaming down her face, and Alex took one look at her and hissed, “Creeper,” in Kara’s direction. But Kara just grinned and hugged them both before doling out champagne all around.

And it was there, with her friends — with her family — that Maggie toasted her engagement while fireworks danced across the sky. But she didn’t really see them; she just watched the light splash over Alex’s face, the colors blossom against her skin, green and yellow and red and white and blue, and thought about another day when explosions had lit the sky and all they’d had to hold on to was each other. 

Alex turned and looked at her, a shadow of worry flitting across her face. “You okay?”

“I’m good,” Maggie said, and drew Alex into the crook of her shoulder, the two of them cuddling closer on their shared chaise lounge. “In fact, I’m better than good.”

_I’m yours._

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for implied (mostly not depicted): Action violence, dead civilians, attempted rape/sexual assault, miscarriage.


End file.
